Top Ten--January 2009

The younger my children are, the funnier they seem to be. They start at birth and seem to peak at age 5. (Or perhaps I just miss all the funny stuff because they start going to school.) Anyway, I’m enjoying it while I can, because eventually I’m going to run out little kids. So kudos to Adam and Isaac for providing the majority of our top ten. Thanks for giving mommer something to write about.

10- We may perhaps be a little too comfortable when we gather for family prayer at night. I knew we’d run into a snag teaching our children how to pray when Zach asked Adam to come in for prayer one evening. I said, “Adam, what do we do during prayer?” He came into the room, immediately laid his head down on the couch and closed his eyes, ready for a quick snooze. Perhaps we should encourage the children to kneel up for prayer?

9-Beautiful, beautiful rain. Frankly, I was ecstatic when the rain came and cleared out the nasty inversion in the valley. Adam’s breathing had taken a bit of a dive, the air was so bad we couldn’t see the mountains, and they issued an advisory not to let your children outside for extended periods of time. Gross.

8—I: Mom, where are my kids?
M: Your kids? Do you HAVE kids? (thinking, perhaps, he meant cousins, friends, classmates, etc.)
I: Yeah, I mean . . . are they in heaven?
M: OH! Yes, Isaac. Your kids are still in heaven.

7-Superhero tendencies displayed by Schmootzy (that’s Adam, for those of you who don’t know). Supersonic hearing: he was in the living room laying on his blanket on the floor when Zach opened the pantry door and (while still inside the pantry) quietly opened a piece of candy. Adam’s head popped up like a marionette, he jumped to his feet and sped in the kitchen, “Uh? Uh? Uh UH UH UH?” (I’ll do you all a favor and translate that for you. Ahem. “Dad! I heard the faint, whispered unwrapping of a piece of chocolate. Could I please have some? I want some, please. GIVE ME SOME RIGHT NOW!”) Superspy eyesight: out of a tray full of food, he can identify and eat those things with sugar in approximately 2.5 seconds. It’s not pretty. And incidentally, wouldn’t Schmootzy be a great superhero name?

6-I: Mom, how does babies cry in English?
M: Wa, wa, waaaa!
I: Oh! Now how does babies cry in a different English?
M: Ummmm, wa, wa, waaaaaa? (How do different languages portray crying? Does anyone know?)

5-The “dead thing” house. My kids display a certain morbid fascination with a house a few blocks away from us. Every time we drive by, we slow down and count the number of dead animals on the walls of the living room and kitchen. On our last drive-by, we counted 17 heads/bodies on the walls. Ewwwww. . . and yet, we can’t stop doing it.

4-Adam’s future career, based on current interests: temperamental concert pianist . . . one who will cry bitter tears when he doesn’t play the right notes or with the right expression. Isaac’s future career, based on current interests: architect or Zach, Zach, lego maniac. Kye: video game geek (argh!). Lucy: piano-playing librarian-gymnast.

3-Desparate to save myself precious time, I’ve resolved to dump Adam’s food directly on the floor during mealtimes. He can continue to play in his room, I can sweep the floor right after meals without begging him to eat, and I won’t have to spray him down afterwards. See? Everybody wins.

2-Isaac, our new little Sunbeam. Last week, his paper said, “I can pray to Heavenly Father and thank him for Runts.” Ahhh, yes. The necessities of life.

1—False accusations abound. Soooooooo I was looking through my phone bill the other day and noticed an unusual charge. I know Adam likes to play with the phone, but still, he called Iran. Yes. . . IRAN, for crying out loud. It costs $2.68 per minute to call Iran. Fortunately, the call was only1 minute long and I vowed never to let Adam play with the phone again. THEN I noticed the number: 987654321123450. Wait a minute. . . no baby can dial in order. KYE!!! (I wonder what the time difference is to Iran. They can’t have liked that.)